I wish my penis had an off switch
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
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