My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
