he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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