i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
