apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
