My balls are so social today.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
