He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
