Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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