my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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