we're blogging at a bar
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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