i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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