everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
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I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
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He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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