Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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