There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
