i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
