I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
