I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
