Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
