I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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