she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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