Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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