Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
