M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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