I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
