I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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