girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
