we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
