I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
