I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
