playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think your dad took our porno
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
