Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
