I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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