apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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