And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
