Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
