I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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