I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
