It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
