you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
