and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
