you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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