allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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