This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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