dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
