come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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