I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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