Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
