just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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