Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
