So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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