My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
