found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
