Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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