Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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