Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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