can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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