he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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