when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
