I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
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I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
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People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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