im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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