i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
