you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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