I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
