would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
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