i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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