I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
