in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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