my phone needs a breathalizer
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
