my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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