Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
