at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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