That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
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