got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
